Plus-Sized Men’s Mental Health: Breaking the Silence
**I’ve been working on this post for the past few weeks, originally intending to share it in June, in recognition of Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. However, I recently received the heartbreaking news of a close friend’s passing. While the circumstances of his death are still unclear, I feel compelled to share this now.
Mental health matters—for everyone, regardless of who you are. This post specifically explores the mental health challenges faced by plus-sized men, drawing from my own experiences and observations. Still, I believe the reflections and insights offered here can resonate far beyond that group and speak to a wider audience.
When discussions about body image and mental health arise, they often focus on women’s experiences. However, plus-sized men face unique mental health challenges that are frequently overlooked. Societal pressures, stigma, and toxic masculinity contribute to the struggles many plus-sized men endure in silence. Addressing these issues is not only essential for individual well-being but also for creating a more accepting and healthier society.
The Hidden Struggles of Plus-Sized Men
Men who do not fit the conventional “ideal” male body type—which is typically portrayed as lean and muscular—often experience low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. While body positivity movements have gained traction in recent years, they largely center around women. Plus-sized men are still expected to either conform to unrealistic fitness standards or embrace stereotypes, such as the “jolly big guy” persona, to be accepted. This lack of representation in body positivity conversations leaves many plus-sized men feeling invisible or unworthy of self-love. The assumption that men should not care about their appearance or emotions further silences those who struggle with their body image.
The Role of Societal Pressures and Stigma
From a young age, we are conditioned to believe that our value lies in strength, dominance, and athleticism. Popular media often glorifies chiseled physiques while portraying us larger men as comic relief, lazy, or undesirable. This not only affects self-perception but also impacts how we are treated in relationships, workplaces, and social settings.
The stigma extends to healthcare as well. Many plus-sized men avoid seeking medical or mental health support due to fear of judgment. Some (myself included) have had negative experiences with doctors who attribute all their health concerns solely to their weight, leading to frustration and distrust in the medical system.
“Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but you are not the rain.”
Toxic Masculinity and Emotional Suppression
Toxic masculinity—society’s rigid expectations of what it means to be a “real man”—plays a significant role in the mental health struggles of men. We are often discouraged from expressing vulnerability, making it harder for us to discuss feelings of insecurity, anxiety, or depression. Phrases like “man up” and “tough it out” reinforce the belief that seeking help is a sign of weakness. This mindset prevents many plus-sized men from addressing their mental health concerns, leading to long-term emotional distress, social withdrawal, and even unhealthy coping mechanisms such as overeating, substance abuse, or aggression. In my own experience as a cisgender Hispanic man, there’s also an added layer of Machismo that has been engraved in our culture for centuries. A Dominican man seeking therapy was something almost unheard of when I was growing up, and was seen as something of which to be ashamed. Even as a child, at 7 yrs old when my parents were going through a divorce and my mother brought me to a psychologist, I had to endure years of bullying and mockery from other kids because “I needed a shrink and therefore had to be crazy.” In retrospect, it’s obvious that these kids didn’t know the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist, and that their only knowledge of the subject came from ignorance and misinformation from their parents. Their ignorance lack of proper information, however, didn’t make their bullying any less traumatizing.
Relationships
In addition to mental health struggles, many plus-sized men face insecurities in dating and relationships. Society often dictates what is considered attractive, and for men this typically translates into a very confident, lean, muscular man. Unlike plus-sized women, who have seen some progress in body positivity representation, plus-sized men are often overlooked in conversations about attraction and desirability. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Many plus-sized men may question whether their partner is genuinely attracted to them or simply settling. This internalized insecurity can create emotional distance and self-sabotaging behaviors, making it difficult to build healthy, fulfilling relationships.
“Emotional pain is not something that should be hidden away and never spoken about. There is truth in your pain, there is growth in your pain, but only if it’s first brought out into the open.”
If you are worried or unsure about whether you or someone else is struggling with their mental health, there are some signs to look out for:
Changes in mood, including anger outbursts or long periods of sadness.
Changes in appetite or sleep patterns.
Loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyable.
Feeling hopeless or worthless.
Social withdrawal or isolation.
Turning to substance abuse or other unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Unexplained physical symptoms, such as headaches or digestive issues.
Thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
Some stats:
For many mental health disorders, men are less likely to speak up and get treatment. They are also less likely to be diagnosed because of this. Knowing the statistics can help raise awareness about men's mental health, encourage men to take a step towards getting treatment, and validate the feelings men with mental health disorders may be experiencing. According to Mental Health America:
Though men account for about 10% of patients with bulimia or anorexia, men with an eating disorder are less likely to seek professional help.
Over 6 million men suffer from depression per year, but male depression often goes undiagnosed.
More than 3 million men in the US have panic disorder, agoraphobia (an anxiety disorder characterized by intense fear and avoidance of situations where escape may be difficult or help is unavailable) or any other phobia.
2.3 million Americans are affected by bipolar disorder and an equal amount of men and women develop the illness. The age of onset for men is between 16 to 25 years old. One of the leading causes of disability in America is schizophrenia. Approximately 3.5 million people in the U.S. have been diagnosed and 90% of those who are diagnosed by age 30 are men.
Breaking the Cycle: Encouraging Mental Wellness for Plus-Sized Men
To combat these challenges, society must recognize the importance of plus-sized men’s mental health and create spaces where they feel seen, heard, and valued. Here are some key ways to foster a healthier mindset:
1. Promote Body Positivity for All Genders
The body positivity movement should be more inclusive of men, acknowledging that they also struggle with self-image. Representation of diverse male body types in media, fashion, and fitness industries can help break harmful stereotypes.
2. Encourage Open Conversations About Mental Health
Challenging the stigma around men’s mental health starts with open and honest discussions. Plus-sized men should feel safe expressing their emotions without fear of ridicule.
3. Redefine Masculinity
Strength should not be measured by physical appearance alone. True masculinity includes emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and self-care. Encouraging men to seek therapy, engage in self-reflection, and prioritize their mental well-being is vital.
4. Supportive Communities and Resources
Finding support groups, online communities, or mentors who understand these struggles can make a significant difference. Having a network of people who validate their experiences can help plus-sized men build confidence and resilience.
5. Address Healthcare Biases
Medical professionals should be trained to provide compassionate, non-judgmental care to plus-sized individuals. This includes recognizing that weight is not the sole determinant of health and ensuring mental well-being is part of the conversation.
6. Reclaiming Desirability and Confidence
Plus-sized men deserve to feel attractive and confident in their bodies. Challenging negative self-perceptions and allowing themselves to be vulnerable in relationships can help build a more fulfilling romantic and intimate life. Finding a partner who genuinely appreciates them and who shows that appreciation can also make a significant difference in self-esteem and emotional well-being. Men also like to feel wanted and desired - you’d be surprised at how much a random hug or kiss, or compliment can change a man’s attitude and overall mood.
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
– Brené Brown.
Conclusion
The mental health of plus-sized men matters (again, everyone’s mental health matters, but this is, after all, a plus sized men’s blog.) They deserve to feel confident, respected, and supported without the burden of unrealistic expectations, harmful stigmas, or outdated notions of masculinity. By addressing these issues openly and advocating for change, we can create a world where all people, regardless of gender identity, race, size, or anything else, have the opportunity to thrive mentally and emotionally. It’s time to take up space, Kings! - JH
Mental Health Resources:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
RIP, querido hermano.
You were known for your soaring voice, contagious smile and boundless zest for life. You moved audiences to tears and joy in equal measure, and you brought passion to every stage you graced. But beyond the music, it was your kind heart and warm presence that endeared you to all who knew you. Your physical voice may be silent now, but your song will live on in the hearts of all the lives you touched. - JH